New Year, New Approaches: Setting Gentle Goals for Managing Your Hair Pulling

New Year’s resolutions…some people love them. Others say, no thanks. One thing is for sure: they’re stressful. Still, about 74% of us set resolutions for the new year. 

Most people tend to focus their resolutions on some sort of health or self-improvement goal. Maybe your resolution is to:

• Lose weight 
• Eat better
• Stop pulling your hair

First, let’s acknowledge that resolutions are not a bad thing. A resolution is intended to give us something to work towards. When you make your resolution you have every intention of keeping it and feel motivated. That’s a good thing, right? 

Fast-forward into the new year, and for most people, their resolution is in the rearview mirror. In fact, the second Friday in January is appropriately known as Quitter’s Day.  Not keeping your resolution can feel like you failed and do a number on your mental health. But did you really fail?

The fact is most people make great resolutions, but they miss one important step: the plan. So, in some ways, the resolution never had a chance because there was no path – no plan. How do you get from point A to point B successfully? And, more importantly, how do you get there while still protecting your mental health?

What if, this year, you chose a different approach? What if, this year, you took your resolution and made a plan? One that is kinder and more affirming. One that is designed for success. One that works for you. 

Building A Better Resolution

If you’re living with a mental health disorder like trichotillomania, you know the importance of protecting your mental health. Healthy resolutions can help you set achievable, meaningful goals while also prioritizing your mental health. Whether you’re setting a goal related to your trich or something else, following a few healthy steps can help you set goals that can move you forward with confidence.

• Pick a Goal that Motivates You

You don’t have to do things the way everyone else does. Choose what you want to do. You are more likely to stick to your goal if it motivates you or holds meaning for you. If yoga isn’t your thing, chances are setting a goal of attending yoga class 3 days a week probably isn’t going to last long. But, if you love to paint, setting a goal of attending a weekly art class might be a better fit.  

• Use SMART goals

SMART goals are:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Attainable
• Realistic
• Time Limited

Rather than being broad or open-ended, think of SMART goals as small, attainable steps that can get you from point A to point B rather than expecting you to go from A to Z . An example of a SMART goal might be, “I will attend therapy once per week” or “I will journal for 10 minutes, four days per week. 

• Allow for Flexibility 

Life happens. And sometimes we have to roll with it. Keep in mind that your goals don’t have to be “all-or-nothing”. Give yourself permission to be flexible when you need to be. 

Also allow for tweaks. Maybe that initial “5 days a week” of something is not realistic with your schedule. It’s ok to re-evaluate and update as you go. It’s a process not a mandate. And it’s not a failure. You’re developing resiliency and flexibility, skills that are invaluable when things get hard. 

• Practice Self-Compassion

It’s easy to see our errors. It’s harder to see our successes. Focus on your progress and remember that perfection is an illusion. Embrace the journey and celebrate the successes you do have. If your goal is to decrease your pulling episodes, rather than focus on days you pulled, focus on and celebrate the days you didn’t. 

Speak kindly to yourself. That inner dialogue is powerful and can foster a positive, realistic mindset. There will be times when you fall short of your goals. It’s OK. Simply acknowledge it as part of the process and get back on track. 

• Seek Support

Whether it’s enlisting the support of family and friends or tapping into an online or in-person support group, connecting with others who can provide support and accountability is key. You may even find someone who has a similar goal. 

• Start on Your Own Time

Starting your resolution on January 1 is kind of like waiting to start a new diet on a Monday. It’s a random date which may have little meaning for you. The fact is, you can start your resolution when you’re ready. Pick a date that feels right for you. 

• Ask for Help

Some resolutions can be challenging. If you find yourself struggling to set or reach your goals, it might surprise you to know that therapy can help. A therapist can help you define and set your goals in a way that is meaningful and attainable for you. 

With a little planning, you can go into the new year confidently and ready to take on whatever goals you set for yourself. Whether it’s to continue your healing journey with trich or learning a new skill, you will have the tools you need to set meaningful and attainable goals without the pressure that comes with rigid resolutions. Cheers to a Happy and Healthy New Year!

References

1. Setting new year’s resolutions: 3 ways to prioritize your mental health. (2021, December 21). Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA. https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer-professional/setting-new-years-resolutions-3

2. New year’s resolutions: Building good mental health habits. (2023, December 27). https://www.samhsa.gov/blog/new-years-resolution-building-good-mental-health-habits