Curious

I've been pulling since 3rd grade, 24 now. It started out with my eye lashes and moved to just my head. In a week I've pulled a very thing area from the middle back of my head about 3 inches from the front almost to my ear on both sides. I honestly have no clue why I started pulling or why I am currently. I seem to find enjoyment with knotting the hairs up then pulling them out like a lot at a time and if I dont pull them I keep trying. I tell myself I'm going to stop but cant. I've tried depression medication but found out I have SSRI syndrome so a lot of that is out of the question. Does anyone relate and how bad do you think my trich actually is compared to others.