A New Mom and pulling out hair on my scalp

This is new to me (reaching out) and I don’t have anyone around me besides my boyfriend and sister who knows. I started pulling here and there right after I had my one year old (first child). I have reached a point of just pulling so much I find piles of hair around where I was just sitting, and it’s just like oh my god... is this where I’m at now? I’ve decided to reach out and make a doctors appointment but I’m so nervous they’re going to look at me like I’m out of my mind. Really, I’m just struggling with untreated PPA (post partum anxiety). I’m so ashamed and sad I can’t talk to anyone without feeling like a crazy person based on reaction. My boyfriend told me yesterday, “it’s just sounds like what a crazy person would do.” I just need to put it out there, he’s so amazing to me and our daughter, i just don’t think he understands that my anxiety is so bad this is how i release, he’ll look at my head and rub it and tell me i’m thinning which freaks me out but he also tries to find ways to stop me but i just end up feeling like a pet who’s done something wrong lol. my sister, just looks at me with wide eyes and says, “stop that!!! you’re hurting yourself!” which also makes me feel like a nut case and yes, i know it’s a form of self harm, but i can’t get through to her or him that it’s relaxing for me and self soothing in a way. I just needed to get this off my chest and feel heard and seen. I started wrapping a scarf around my head and tying it so I don’t have access to my hair. (hats just don’t do it.... too easy to remove lol) Any advice would be welcome for distractions! Love to all in any place of your journeys! Also, does pulling from the scalp make anyone else get what i presume to be ingrown hairs or little angry bumps?