My disease has a name,and I'm not alone.

Hello,anyone who is reading this..I'll prefer to keep my identity hidden for now.i am so emotional right now I just had to look for an avenue to write my thoughts...I just found out that this thing I've been suffering with for most of my life is not singular,I mean there are so many people living with this disorder but I had no idea until last night ...lord knows I've spent the whole of today reading up on this topic and reading stories from other people like me.I've suffered from this disease for all of ten years now.i started picking my hair shortly after my 13th birthday and I haven't stopped ever since.truthfully speaking,it has been the bane of my existence.you have to understand that I grew up and still live in Africa,Nigeria.and as an African growing up with this kind of illness,I used to be the center of most ridiculing and taunts while in high school.i'm so pretty and have my life figured out,but without the wigs,I'm nothing .I still have bald patches,very big patches and yes,I go into relapse once in a while and the longest ever was for about six months.but the problem is I always find myself clawing my way through my hair over and over again....while growing up,my mum and close family members thought I had a spiritual problem,you know like possessed and all.but I've always felt like I'm just different...I do all the regular trich habits and probably more...pull strand by strand,eat the follicles clean,pull pubic hair,eyebrows sometimes,but I've never really gotten the hang of pulling my lashes.maybe because it hurts so much and I don't get that gratification or pleasure of seeing a big fat wet follicle.point is I'm such an expert now I automatically just know what parts of my scalp or pussy skin have or contain fat juicy hair follicles....I have a love-hate relationship with those little wriggly tips of pleasure.before now I had developed my own personal ideas and theories about the whole palava.i was sure what I got from pulling was kinda sexual,erotic....apart from the obvious bald patches and soreness of the scalp and endless prickling sensation,the pulling in itself is quite self gratifying...you just laze there and while away hours wrapped up in the splendor of pulling your own hair....my mum used to say I have always been destructive even as a child and perhaps it was just another phase of my acting out...I have to admit I have major daddy issues...you know the drill.my parents are divorced,have been since I was less than a year old...I grew up with my mom and no paternal love of any kind...so now I know my anxiety and depression issues are the root cause of my trich problem....I feel so happy writing this...I know it will take time.but I will work on putting a final end to this predicament ...I can do it...I'll write more of my experience with time but for anyone who needs hope,just know that you aren't alone...I write this with tears in my eyes because I have finally found an avenue to let out my pain and suffering.im not alone in this anymore