RELAPSE..I need help!

From the age of around 9 i started to pull strands of hair out on the left side of my head and hid then down the side of the sofa, mum thought my hair was falling out and i never owned up and so that scared me enough to stop but 2 years later I started to pull my eyebrows out, not going to school because of how i looked then when I had no eyebrows left I started on my eyelashes only ever the upper lids though. It got so bad I made up a story so I could switch schools. I made a new life got a few weird looks but had good friends and life was happy but I still remained pulling. I've pulled continuously from 11 to 21. At 20 I left a toxic relationship and was happy again and I eventually just let them all grow back, with the odd episode of pulling but overall maintaining a set of eyebrows and eyelashes. I felt so good and normal again. I maintained for 2 years and started pulling the eyelashes again but that only last around 4 months and I've been in recovery since that. But now I'm 24 and I feel like the world is caving in around me,I have pulled literally every eyelash off of both my eyes, even the lower lids which I've never done before, I don't even get any relief from the bottom ones but my upper lids are so sore and swollen and bald that I needed some fix. I feel like I've just ruined another growth cycle and it's going to be months of baldness again. Any words of comfort or advice are really appreciated x