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Twisting, knotting and rubbing hair
Not sure if my other one posted because I can't find it. I don't know if I have trichotillomania. I dont pull my hair. I started twirling the hair that is underneath by my ear on the back/side of my neck when I was about 12. Twirling led to rubbing together, smelling it, and creating knots. I'm 32 now. It has not stopped but just last year it got worse. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety and ADHD. I have been in SSRI's for a decade but just got upped to zoloft and adderrol. I no longer only play with the hair that is underneath and hidden. I do it to every part of my head. I take a small handful of hair and just start twisting, knotting and rubbing. It sounds like sandpaper. I used to do it alone but now I do it in front of my husband. I even run my flat iron over the hair I've been playing with bc it makes the smell stronger. My shirt is covered with tiny hair ends. My hair has gotten about 2 inches shorter in like 2 months. I keep the knots and make one big knot by my nightstand and play with it sometimes. I sound crazy as I am typing this don't i... People meet me and say I am so bubbly and outgoing but they have no idea. People asked me recently "when did u get bangs?!" I haven't had a haircut in about 2 years but its shorter! Every hair is split. One hair can have like 7 splits in it. I used to hide it but it's pretty noticeable now.
This is exactly the habit I have. It's like I wrote this myself! I keep some big knots in my night stand drawer. The crunchy sound of pulled hair, the smell and the texture are why I keep pulling. I make knots out of the hair behind both of my ears. When it gets too short I just start a new section. I recently started having elbow pain from the constant bending motion of pulling my hair. Also recently found I do DO THIS IN MY SLEEP. I will wake up with tiny little knots of hair and strands of hair in the bed and on the floor.
I also have all 3 of the same diagnoses and on the same medications you listed. I probably sound crazy! But this is exactly what I do too. I am 24 now and look back at pictures of myself as young as 8 and I am pulling the same hair, in the same spot, in the same motions. It's muscle memory at this point.
Hello laureno,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's incredible how similar our journeys can be, and it really helps us not feel so alone in this. The textures, sounds, and even the muscle memory of pulling can be so powerful and deeply ingrained.
You don’t sound crazy at all—you sound incredibly brave for sharing this. It’s a step toward understanding and managing your habit. The fact that you've noticed the impact it has on your body, like the elbow pain, is a crucial insight.
Stay hopeful and compassionate with yourself on this journey. Sending hugs.